-
You no longer
associate bridges with water.
-
You can say 110
degrees without fainting.
-
You eat hot chilies
to cool your mouth off.
-
You can make instant
sun tea.
-
You learn that a seat
belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
-
The temperature drops
below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
-
You discover that in
July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
-
You discover that you
can get a sunburn through your car window.
-
You know the best
parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
-
Hot water comes out
of both taps.
-
You actually burn
your hand opening the car door.
-
No one would dream of
putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
-
You break a sweat the
instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
-
You realize asphalt
has a liquid state.
-
It's so hot the birds
have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
-
It's so hot that
potatoes cook underground and all you have to do for lunch is to
pull one out and add butter with trimmings.
-
It's so hot farmers
are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard
boiled eggs.
-
You only know five
spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ sauce and ketchup.
-
You design your
Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and cowboy boots.
-
The mosquitoes have
landing lights.
-
You have more miles
on your tractor than your car.
-
You have 10 favorite
recipes for deer meat.
-
You've taken your
kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside.
-
You think sexy
lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
-
You can write a check
at Dairy Queen for two Hunger Busters and fries.
-
You attend a formal
event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your cowboy
boots.
-
People grumble about
Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
-
The preacher says,
"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." and five guys
stand up.
-
A member of the
church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It
ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
-
When it rains,
everyone is smiling.
-
The choir group is
known as the "OK Chorale."
-
The Pastor wears
boots.
-
Four generations of
the same family sit together in worship.
-
There is no such
thing as a "secret" sin.
-
Baptism is referred
to as "branding."
-
Finding and returning
lost sheep isn't just a parable.
-
High notes on the
organ can set the dogs to howling.
-
People wonder, when
Jesus fed 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
-
The final words of
the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"
-
It's a common
misconception that everything is twice as big in Texas, really,
everything is 1.965 times bigger, but we round up.
-
It's a common
misconception that the women have big hair. In fact this was
outlawed in July 1977. There is a task force and they are doing
their best to reach every last woman. Bear with us.
-
It's a common
misconception that JR Ewing still lives here. That was a TV show
people! Come on! Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is a real, karate-choppin'
Texas Ranger.
-
It's a common
misconception that we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches
and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and
damaging hailstorms. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs
and a bad hair day.
-
It's a common
misconception that everyone speaks with a Texas accent. Y'all just
don't know what y'all are talkin' about.
