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A Doctor was addressing a
large audience in
Tampa.
"The material we put into our
stomachs
is enough to have killed most of us sitting
here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks
corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded
with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of
us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in
our drinking water. But there is one thing that is
the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will,
eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that
causes the most grief and suffering for years after
eating it?"
After several
seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row
raised his hand, and softly said,
"Wedding Cake."
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An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in
Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the
man took a few minutes to locate his passport in
his carry-on bag.
"You have been to
France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked,
sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had
been to
France previously.
"Then you should know enough
to have your passport ready."
The American said,
"The last time I was here, I
didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show their
passports on arrival in
France !"
The American senior gave the
Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
explained.
"Well, when I came ashore
at
Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help
liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen
to show it to."
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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the
Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very
sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks
off with her youthful sex appeal and charm. She hangs
onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every
word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the
very first chance, they corner him and ask,
"Bob, how did you get the
trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies,
"Girlfriend? She's my
wife!"
They're amazed, but continue
to ask.
"So, how did you persuade
her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age," Bob replies.
"What, did you tell her you
were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says,
"No, I told her I was 90."
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A group of Americans were traveling by tour
bus through
Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young
guide led them through the process of cheese making,
explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the
group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These" she explained "are
the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer
produce."
She then asked,
"What do you do in
America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman
answered,
"They send us on bus tours!"
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