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A Guide to U.S. Newspapers
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run
the country.
2. The New York Times is read by people who think they
run the country.
3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they
should run the country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to
run the country but don't really understand the
Washington Post. They do, however like the smog
statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't
mind running the country, if they could spare the time,
and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used
to run the country.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't
too sure who's running the country, and don't really
care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care
who's running the country either, as long as they do
something really scandalous, preferably while
intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who
aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is
running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they
stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the
leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist
dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY
country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running
another country, but need the baseball scores.
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