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[http://www.officialsanantonio.com/dir/insertpage_38.htm] |
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Difference Between
Republicans and Democrats
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street
when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave
the homeless person his business card and told him to
come to his business for a job. He then took twenty
dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless
person.
The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to
another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked
over to the homeless person and gave him directions to
the welfare office. He then reached into the
Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty
dollars.
Now you understand the difference between Republicans
and Democrats |
A Liberal and a Genie
A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie.
Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes,
but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your
good fortune." The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm
always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then,
whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in
the country two of it. What's your first wish?" "I would
like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every
conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's
your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K.,
you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two
million dollars. What's your third and final wish?"
"Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."
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Republicans in Hell
While walking down the street one day, a Republican head
of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul
arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the
entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle
in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high
official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure
what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up.
What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one
in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,"
says the Republican head of state.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St.
Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds
himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the
distance is a club and standing in front of it are all
his friends and other politicians who had worked with
him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They
run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good
times they had while getting rich at expense of the
people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine
on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a
Republican, too), who really is a very friendly guy who
has a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are having such a good time that, before he
realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big
hug and waves while the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens
on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
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Proud to Be a Democrat
A first grade teacher in the Midwest is explaining to
her class that she is a Republican and how nice it is
that a new Republican president has taken office. She
asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are
Republicans and support George Bush. Everyone in class
raises their hands except one little girl. "Mary," says
the teacher with surprise, "why didn't you raise your
hand?" Because I'm not a Republican," says Mary. "Well,
what are you?" asks the teacher. "I'm a Democrat and
proud of it," replies the little girl. The teacher
cannot believe her ears. "My goodness, Mary, why are you
a Democrat?" she asks. "Well, my momma and papa are
Democrats, so I'm a Democrat, too." "Well," says the
teacher in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to
be a Democrat. You don't always have to be like your
parents. What if your momma was a criminal and your papa
was a criminal, too, what would you be then?" Mary
smiled. "Then we'd be Republicans."
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