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Cows & Politics Explained
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one
and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one
and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor
has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor
has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote
people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you
voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give
it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes
both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both
and sells you the milk. You join the underground and
start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The
government taxes you to the point you have to sell both
to support a man in a foreign country who has only one
cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell
one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The
government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other,
pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the
drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell
one, and force the other to produce the milk of four
cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on
strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign
them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk. You then create
clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market
them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer
them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad.
They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't
know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them
and learn you have five cows. You count them again and
learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn
you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open
another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which
belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter
into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon
you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares
bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship
both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300
people milking them. You claim full employment, high
bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported
on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows,
right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and
then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to
Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on
the left is kinda cute.
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