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Fuck the South
Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go
when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a
million people so they'd stay part of our special Union.
Fighting for the right to keep slaves -- yeah, those are
states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant
Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant:
the South is the Real America? The Authentic America.
Really?
Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those
Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All
that bullshit about what you think they meant by the
Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your
assault weapons in the glove compartment because you
didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking
sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt
sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters,
dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think
there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up
here in our backyard?
No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit
the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until
you get over your real American selves and start
respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think
those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for
fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those
Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and
broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We
started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how
real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a
state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being
fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance?
Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the
fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And
I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for
your fucking bridges, bitch.
All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes
from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your
fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your
fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time
Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to
us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a
fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole,"
we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.
The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the
government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine
of the ten states that get the most federal fucking
dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on,
guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states.
And eight of the ten states that receive the least and
pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue
states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our
money. What was that Real American Value you were
spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self
reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.
Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You
and your Southern values can bite my ass because the
blue states got the values over you fucking Real
Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do
you think has the lowest divorce rate you
marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s
fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay
marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love
to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom
Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking
nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about
this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue
states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where
our values suck so bad. And where are the highest
divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10
are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And
while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its
fucking part.
But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin
marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it
pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but
that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you
do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every
goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by
how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then
you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's
a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't
talk about religion as much as you because we're not so
busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you
self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting
giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings
paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who
has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us
up here in the North, assholes.
Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your
liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching,
confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical
bullshit and shove it up your ass.
And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New
York next time. Fuck off.
Source: Fuck The South.com
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